Zeynep Deniz’s Reflection on the Power of Empathy Workshop

I joined this workshop expecting to learn more about empathizing with myself, reflecting on inner empathy in addition to the common sense of empathy that is directed towards others. In that aspect I feel more equipped to recognize what I feel; in such a way that I can look at a certain event, identify my emotions within this event and evaluate this event in terms of what I need to correlate my emotions to the fulfillment or unfulfillment of my needs. When I followed this stepwise approach, I noticed that I could understand why I feel a certain way. Having this awareness provides one with a certain clarity and objectiveness so that one can find solution strategies to fulfill the needs that create the emotions. Overall, this approach allows one to take a moment to reflect and then to make up their mind, which results in a useful response, instead of a momentarily reaction that does not serve a purpose.

We have started this session by receiving our lists of feelings and needs. When looking at them prior to the workshop, I was not able to put much of a value to them. I always knew that I am not the most capable in terms of voicing my feelings, but I was unsure whether these two PDF documents could have much of an effect. However, while we continued with the workshop, I started to realize the value that these two lists have. I believe, while looking at the lists I was able to name more feelings when they are right in front of me, instead of maybe summing them up to one feeling that does not cover all or become frustrated because I am trying to sweep the situation under a rug. After doing this step, looking at the needs list creates a similar response as well. It was not natural to me to evaluate the events as means of fulfillment of needs. But it now makes sense that feelings express how we respond to our needs being met or not being met. This understanding makes feelings more concrete by giving them reasoning instead of unexplained bursts.

We started by describing our meaning of bonding, where we listened without commenting. Me and my partner had similar ideas that we feel like we bonded around being able to show vulnerability and the ability to share. Second discussion point was when we felt like we were truly understood, again, without any commenting from the other part. We exchanged events with our best friend and noticed that the ones that are the closest to us makes us feel the most understood. Then, we talked about a moment that bothered us or an event that we could not comprehend which occurred within the last part. This question was especially intriguing, because me and my partner shared very similar events in which we represented opposite sides. Such that I was the one who was being resented, and she was the one resenting. In this discussion, we were able to name what both parties felt during the situation which gave us a chance to empathize mutually. We, as a group, talked about naming feelings to help us feel relieved, even though we could not find a solution, at least we can enable the right-left brain connection.

Next, Ms. Ünal made a very eye-opening point, which is that anything that does not exist in the needs list should be considered a strategy, which is almost a cover to fulfill our needs. We identified the needs in our situations bearing this point in mind.

Last point which underlined the importance of empathy came from the question regarding our attitude towards our significant other mentioning us to their family. The group was divided into three feelings: angry, relaxed and surprised. Hearing everyone’s perspectives helped us see that there is no right or wrong with feelings.

Overall, the Power of Empathy workshop helped me realize that mindfully thinking about events to learn what I felt during emotionally intense situations to identify my feelings, the needs that result in those feelings and figure out a strategy to fulfill my needs and find the solution. This stepwise approach makes it foolproof for one to respond to events and not react, which is the major takeaway that I will continue to apply in my day to day life.

Zeynep Deniz LAL